Assalamualaikum. Dengan nama Allah yang maha pemurah lagi maha penyayang.
Day by day, I thought I can go through life without thinking about him, without hoping that he will be next to me or at least there is a device connecting us from the other side. Or at least feel relief a bit to know that he feels the same as I do. But actually, it's not happening.
I don't know if I am the one who feel so scared to face the truth or I am afraid that the things I said above won't happen like how I want. I don't mind if it doesn't happen but I am not ready yet to lost. Even though he has never been mine.
It all started since April this year. He told me about his family. About his parents had divorced (it is actually a private thing here to talk about family especially when it is unhappy thing). He came to me so many times to ask me what I have been doing, what song did I practiced and sort. He even said "ganbatte!" to me quite a lot at that time.
Time flies. There's up and down in our relationship (friendship maybe? Eh friendship la kan haha). I cannot tell everything here. I might need 2 days to summarize and write it all. Haha. There is something weird or unusual thing he will do almost everytime we meet. He did so many things that he didn't do to anyone else.
Today, we had a performance at an old folks home near our university and we had a duo song together. He came to me when I was alone. I love to take pictures so I went there to take pictures because I got to take photos of the oldies including the performers but everyone else chose to watch from the other side. Hmm do I need to tell everything here? It will be a very long post. To make it short, I feel like giving up but lately we are getting closer. Huh this is hard.
亮くん、今までいろいろありましたね。君がそばにいると私が落ち着くよ。ドキドキしてましたが、君がいるから心強くなれますよ。なんで君のことが好きになったのかな。なんで君なんですか？なんでこんな複雑な気持ちになったのかな。君に「好きだ」って言えるっちゃ言えるけど、その後何の状態になるか分からないから、言うのをやめときました。自分でこの気持ちを捨てたいですが、ほかの人に「頑張って」と言われたので、今まで君に伝えれない言葉が残ってる。私はいつまで我慢できるかいまだに知らない。それでも、お互い頑張りましょう。私は君のことが好きだから。ずっとそばにいて欲しいです。
"The moment you are ready to quit is usually the moment right before miracle happen. Don't give up."
