135. Recent

Hai korang, assalamualaikum. Sihat tak?

You know, here, when we get into our second year, we will be separated into three courses. We can choose which course we want to study. It's architecture, civil engineer and transportation engineer. For me, I always wanted to know more about plane and ship. So, of course I will choose transportation engineer as my path in second year. And that's the reason why I came to Hiroshima at the first place.

So, what's bothering me? Let me tell you guys. In my entire class, we have about 146 students and only 24 ladies. Between these 24 ladies, only 3 of us want to pursue in transportation engineer. I'm not saying that it's a problem or not a problem even there's just 3 ladies in a class full with guys. I'm getting used to it. But do you know how much we can feel lonely? We will lose.

I have a friend, she's so happy-go-lucky and friendly with everyone. She always smile and laugh. She's so cute. I can say that she's my closest Japanese friend. She knows who is handsome in my eyes. Hahaha. Even when I'm going back to Malaysia, she asked me to have video call (Skype) with her. And during my homecoming, she went to Indonesia for a student exchange program for about three weeks. She also had a video call with me at that time even though she knows how slow is the internet in Malaysia and Indonesia. We talked so much. Actually, I'm a little bit shy to speak Japanese in front of my family. But, just to Skype with her, I did, I talked in Japanese at that time. And she teased me by bringing the laptop she used to Skype to the guy whom I said he's handsome. Hahaha. I was so shy -,-'

One day, we went to the cafeteria together. Out of sudden, she said "oh man, we will get lonely in second year! (she said this in Japanese okay)" I asked "why?", she answered "because we will get into different class (she wants to pursue in civil engineering). We will be separated." I never think that there will be someone (Japanese friend) will say that to me. You don't know what kind of friend they are (I don't think I need to explain) but it's such a bless to have them as my friend.

So, yeah. I think of the same thing. We will be lonely. Especially us, whom going to transportation engineering because there will be just 3 girls (in the meantime because we still can change our choice and it also depends on our result in the first year).

And there's another story.

There's a guy inside my class. I love to look at him since the first semester. He's so tall and so thin, I think. His hair was dyed brown in last semester. He will only wear spectacles during class. So, he will not wear specs outside of class. So, what I love about him? Everything. Haha. And he's like a shy guy whom rarely talk to a girl because I never see him talking to the ladies. But, actually I can see that he's not so passive. I mean, he talks but just with his close friends.

So, there's a day in new semester (second semester), I tried to talk to him and his friends. I saw he changed his hair colour. It turned black. Haha. I bought a lot of chocolate in Malaysia to give my friends here. So, I went to him and his friends like so out of the blue and said "hey, this is chocolate I bought from Malaysia. You may take some." with smile. And they looked surprise. Haha. I asked their names and I remember it until now. We have a group chat in LINE which almost everyone (126 people) is already in the group and I found his account there. I always feel like wanna add him and send him a message and chat but I'm afraid and shy. I'm afraid of so many things. So, I stopped myself from adding him in the LINE.

In the first semester, we just got into 4 same classes.But, surprisingly, in this semester, we have 10 classes together. I know, there are so many chances to talk with him but as I said before, I'm too shy to talk to him because I know he won't talk back. I mean, he won't have any topic to talk about. I'm afraid of his reaction and what others will think about me. So, I'm started to give up and don't want to talk with him anymore. I want but I think it will be better if I don't talk with him.

So, yesterday, I went to the convenience store in the university to buy lunch. I went there with my other 2 friends. 2 of us bought something instant but one of us, she bought something which need to use oven before eat it. So both of us waited for her outside of the shop and he and his friends came towards the shop. (Ok boleh cerita dlm BM tak? Ok change mood). Aku try utk tak tengok dekat diorang. Tapi, aku fikir "kan dah pernah tegur, kawan je la, tegur je la." Ok aku pun dengan hati terbuka pandang dekat diorang, masa tu diorang dah dekat sgt kot dgn aku, kalau panggil pun mmg diorang akan dengar (tapi tak panggil pun lol haha). Tapi you know what? Aku pandang ke arah diorang, and aku terus pandang si dia yg aku suka tengok tu la sbb dia diri kat tengah pun haha. Tapi, aku pandang dia, dia terus pandang tempat lain. Faham kan macam mana? Maksudnya he's been looking at me daripada sebelum tu tapi kenapa la masa aku pandang tu, dia pergi pandang tempat lain terus. Hmmm. Ok masa tu dah kecewa tapi dah mcm "ahh biarlah, takpe la".

Kelas last semalam ialah kelas Bahasa Jerman. Sama kelas dengan dia juga. Aku taktau apa yang berlaku dengan aku, even though dah kata mcm taknak tegur dia dah, taknak try apa apa pun, tapi, masa kelas Jerman tu dah habis, aku lalu depan tangga and then tiba tiba dia muncul dari tangga tu, dan aku tanpa fikir apa apa terus lambai tangan and say "hyee!" with a very wide smile. And tau tak dia balas apa? Dia tak lambai balik pun..... Tapi dia senyum yg sangat lebar mcm bercahaya muka dia. Ok sebenarnya sampai sekarang pun still ingat lagi senyuman dia. Ya Allah comel sangat la pula kan si dia tu. Adui. Serious ah dia senyum yg mcm sgt ikhlas. Hahahahahaha perasannya :'D

I wish I can be his friend but I don't know how. My senior advised me to be friend with anyone I want when I still have the chance. Because we will get into different class in next semester so we maybe rarely meet or never meet at all. So, make friends before it's late and regret. Especially make friend with your crush. Haha :D

So, I actually want to know, is it okay for me to add him in LINE? Hmm.

Ok dah. Bye korang. Nanti share lagi apa apa ya :)

134. Just a bit

Hai. Assalamualaikum semorang. Aku dah mula busy dgn macam macam.

Kat sini, aku masuk guitar club of Hiroshima University. So, aku busy dgn practice benda ni semua. Oh lagi 12 hari akan ada konsert untuk perform depan orang ramai. Nervous, tapi biarkan, ignore. Haha.

Nak kata busy study tu, macam tak....je. Hehehe. Aku pemalas. Tapi aku rajin pergi ambik kelas bahasa German pula. Haha. Kawan kawan kat sini terperanjat tengok aku masuk kelas tu. Haha. Sorry la buat korang terperanjat sgt. Aku saja je nak belajar. Lol. Lagipun mamat yg aku sukaaaaa sgt tengok tu ada dlm kelas tu. Oh and kelas volleyball pun sama. Hehehehehehe XD

Busy usha mamat mamat Jepun. Eh? Hahaha ok yg ni nak kata tipu pun tak, nak kata betul pun tak. Aku tengok je, bukan usha pun. Hehehe. Tapi ada je beberapa orang yg hensem. Aduhai terseksa mata aku. Cisss. Dah la susah nak tegur. Aku selalu yeye bersemangat nak tegur kalau jumpa mamat mamat yg aku rasa hensem ni. Sebab diorang sekelas dgn aku. Tapi, in the end, aku akan out of courage sbb diorang selalu jalan beramai ramai. At least, bertiga. Haha. Tapi ada je yg pernah tegur and diorang ok sebenarnya. Tapi aku benci awkward silence and aku taknak kalau aku tegur, pastu taktau nak borak apa. Weh, you know that feeling? -,-"

Ada sorang or actually a group of guys dlm kelas aku, ada sorang tu nama dia Kai. Most of the girls in my class said that he is the most handsome guy in our course/our class. Aku? Hmmmmm.
Panjangnya "hmmmm" tu haha. Aku tak rasa pula mcm apa yg diorang rasa. Ada orang lagi hensem kot aku rasa. Haha.

Oh ok back to the topic. This is not about me. Haha.

Aku taktau la aku ni perasan ke, apa ke. Tapi, selalunya akan ada beberapa orang yg akan tengok aku akan tersenyum sengih and aku taktau kenapa. Tadi lagi pelik. Aku jalan berdua, and diorang (group yg ada Kai tu tp tak cukup korum) 4 orang berjalan dari depan. Sebaris diorang jalan. Amboi ingat korang tgh buat video clip boyband ke? Haha. Lepas tu ada 2 orang, tengok pastu senyum senyum. Yg sorang tu, masa sem lepas, aku pernah jadi hero dia sbb telah berjaya menyelamatkan phone dia haha. Yg lagi sorang tu, hmmm I don't know.

Oh, and most of budak yg sama group dgn Kai ni ambik kelas volleyball juga termasuk juga la Kai. Haha. So, eventually, ramai la mamat mamat hensem dlm kelas volleyball tu. Lol. Haha.

Ada kawan Jepun perempuan siap bagi semangat dan tips lagi mcm mana nak mengorat or at least start berkawan dulu dgn mamat mamat Jepun ni. Sebab sebenarnya diorang pemalu. Lewlllzzz. Tapi betul juga tu. Diorang pemalu dengan perempuan. Hmmm. Takpe nanti aku kumpul keberanian dan semangat ya untuk tegur korang. Hehehe.

Oh ok bye. Doakan aku kat sini baik baik je eh. Terima kasih.

133. Lost Stars

I'm sorry for being to clingy. I keep repeating the same song since yesterday. And today, I got a news from somewhere about something. It made me cry. It's been so long. I can't remember when was the last time I cried like that (like this because I will cry out of sudden).

I lost something. I can say that they're stars. I lost my stars. I'm sorry I cry. I'm not ready for this. It's a lot to take. This is so sudden. It happened twice. I'm sorry. Please give me some times to heal myself and move on from this. I can't bear to lose all of you, my stars. I'm sorry.

I remember I've posted a photo in instagram with "the greatest fear of not being home is you lost something back home when you are not around. All the promises and memories mix up and you are all left there don't know what to do. And something is gone. Never come back." written as the caption.

It will never be the same. I hope I will remain the same. I hope.